Game Two Tonight

Game two of the Rockets-Lakers series is tonight, and the Lakers are at risk of falling apart if they lose again at the Staples Center. Tonight is the night that Kobe puts his team on his back and tries to carry them to a victory; however, we have the luxury of harassing him with Shane Battier, the best Kobe defender in the NBA. Kobe will get his points, but Shane can't make it easy. Kobe will want to prove that no one can stop the Black Mamba and will attack Shane from the opening tip. If Shane bothers Kobe tonight, we will win, but, if Kobe goes off, a lot of Rockets are going to have to step up.

Crazy Ron and Aaron Brooks played out of their minds on Monday and will struggle to replicate their performances tonight. Yao played great, and, as long as the Lakers leave Andrew Bynum alone on him, we should pound the ball inside to him. Luckily, Phil Jackson is too proud to play with a gimmicky fronting defense and will continue to let Yao dominate the paint. Luis Scola and Von Wafer played terribly Monday night and are due for a better game tonight. Luis didn't knock down his mid-range jumper as he normally does, but tonight he will stretch the defense with that shot. Wafer was bothered by the hideous Sasha Vujacic's attempt at rape. Vujacic kept trying to get in Vakeaton's pants, and he just couldn't handle it. Tonight he will score at will against the Slovenian Sex Offender and give the Rockets instant offense of the bench in the second quarter and at the beginning of the fourth. Kyle Lowry and Carl Landry also played well on Monday, but there is no reason why they will play worse tonight. I can guarantee one thing, that Chuck Hayes will play good defense tonight. Also, any Brent Barry sightings can only be helpful.

The other Lakers will try to make it to the stadium tonight and not get in Kobe's way. Pau Gasol will play well, but he will also receive the wrath of Yao Ming as payback for this:

The Slovenian Sex Offender will probably shoot 0-6 and leave the floor in tears after a thunderous dunk like this from Von Wafer:

The Lakers point guards are weak, but I expect Derek Fisher to hit some big shots during this series, one of which might come tonight. He is bound to break out of his shooting slump soon, and Aaron Brooks is a awful defender. Lamar "Don't Call Me Greg Oden" Odom will disappear again tonight. Authorities will attribute his disappearance to the Ron Artest's stifling D and his general inability to hit any free throws. Andrew Bynum's injured knees will hit some shots, but they will also allow Yao to score at will. Phil Jackson will miss most of the game while passed out in a drug induced coma while Rick Adelman will sleep through the game.

Prediction: As much as I hate to say it, Lakers win a nail biter. Good play from Yao and Vakeaton Quamar Wafer will keep the Rockets in the game until Kobe commandeers the fourth quarterand single handedly beats us.